Moriarty:NUMEROUS DEATH THREATS WHICH ALTERNATE BETWEEN THE FINE LINE OF CREEPY CUTE AND FUCKING SHIT-HE'S-BATSHIT-INSANE SCARY
John:Sweating it out in this vest
Moriarty & Sherlock:FOE YAY
~insert a year and a half or so~
Everyone:WE ARE STILL INTENSE AND PERHAPS WE ARE ALL GOING TO DIE AREN'T YOU JUST DYING TO FIND OUT WHAT THE CONCLUSION TO THIS IS
~cue the beegees~
Moriarty:oh my god mum. sorry, she gets mad if I stay out late
Sherlock:oh my god tell me about it, my brother
Moriarty:SHOUTING soft death threats. oop silly me, I got the date wrong. I'm not dying til next year, pfffft you know you get these things mixed up
Sherlock:OH I SEE SO THIS LIFE OR DEATH SITUATION ISN'T ENOUGH FOR YOU WELL THEN.
John:Wow suddenly business is booming
Sherlock:I am healthier and I eat now
Citizens:Please solve our mysteries oh great detective
Internet:John your blog is damn fine
Sherlock:ugh hats quick
Sherlock:fuck everything fucking press and fucking fans and fucking HAT - JOHN WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU NAMING OUR CHILDREN I MEAN CASES, CASES IS WHAT I MEANT
John:Shut up bitch I like created you
Lestrade:ok he's a dick but don't punch him
Sherlock:I am too smart to leave the house and enter the fog of stupidity which is the outside world so John skype me when you get there
John:you're in a sheet
John & Sherlock:HUMOROUS DOMESTIC BANTER
Mycroft:fetch me the problem sticks
Sherlock:no fuk you I don't care about clothes
~IN BUCKINGHAM PALACE~
Sherlock:what pants I have no need of pants
John:so just to clarify you're completely naked beneath that sheet
Sherlock & John:trolololfanstrolololol
Mycroft:put your pants on you little shit
Mycroft:So just to confirm that he is completely naked under the sheet -
Mycroft:irene adler info dump sex sex photos
Mycroft:OH MY GOD FUCK YOU - sherlock just take the case
Sherlock:ok gurl laterz also thanks for the ashtray
Sherlock & John:trolololololol
Sherlock:Let's go visit Irene
Irene:What shall I wear?
Sherlock:OH GOD WHAT DO I WEAR
Irene:ok just what I'm most comfortable in
Sherlock:I'll just stick with my normal
Irene:Makeup time for colour, suggestively gay companion
Sherlock:Punch me in the face for some colour, please John
ONE BEAT UP VICAR LATER
Sherlock:what the fuck are those
John:I know what they are
Sherlock:I just want the phone
Irene:I just want to talk cases
Americans:We just want to shoot everything AMERICA AMERICA
Americans:open the safe
Americans:or we will shoot your boyfriend
GUNS AND PUNCHING AND BADASSERY IN GENERAL
Irene:hiker boomerang boom bang dead
Irene:also thanks for the coat c u soon bb
Mrs Hudson:How dare you send your baby brother in against CIA killers
Mycroft:oh shut up -
John & Sherlock:ANGRY BEAR CUB IMPRESSIONS
John:I love jan and rosalia I mean don't you like this jumper
Molly:i put the cuddly in cadaver
Sherlock:there is no cuddly in cadaver also your breasts and mouth are small
Molly:please stop crushing my soul
Sherlock:touching signs of regret and guilt and an apologetic kiss
Molly:~oh jesus fuck god he kissed me oh god fuck what was that noise that was a moan oh god did i moan please tell me i didn't moan fuck oh god did i? no wait no. shit what if they think it's me, they'll think i'm some creepy fangirl who stalks him and makes shrines out of his used chewy and sings love ballads to a locket photo of him oh god they'll think i'm a fangirl~ I'M NOT A FANGIRL!!
Sherlock:no that was me.
Phone:basically irene's dead
Irene:yup completely dead on a slab
Sherlock:for the last time, john and I are not - oh, yeah, sure. mycroft? are we creepy as fuck creepers with no friends and no ability to connect to anyone else?
Mycroft:would you rather be normal?
Sherlock:this is a shitty cigarette.
~back at 221B~
John's girlfriend:You're great I just wish you weren't gay
John:I'll walk your dog
John's ex:I don't have one u dick
Sherlock:if you messed up my socks there will be dire consequences
John:mycroft stop playing MIB with me
Irene:jkes just me
John:what the actual fuck fucking tell him you're alive because he's almost heartbroken and I don't know what to do you bitch
John:I AM NOT GAY
Irene:yeah but I am and we're both in love with him. Pretty fucked aren't we.
Sherlock:fuck you sideways Irene
Americans:GUNS PHONE NOW DID WE MENTION THE GUNS
Sherlock:My name is Sherlock Holmes. You hurt my landlady. Prepare to die.
Lestrade:what the fuck happened
Mrs Hudson:I saved the phone though because old bitches get shit done
Irene:hey boys decipher me some code
Sherlock:PLANE BOND AIR 007
John:Told you Bond night would come in handy some day
Irene:Have the sex with me.
Irene:Have the sex with me
Sherlock:Where's John, he should be cockblocking
Man:I can do that for you
Sherlock:but they are dead
Mycroft:SHERLOCK YOU FUCKED UP ALL THE THINGS THAT A PERSON COULD POSSIBLY FUCK UP.
Irene:give me all the things.
Irene:lol in league with moriarty the whole time also he has mean nicknames for both of you lololol
“Who the hell names hurricanes and why do they give them the least threatening names? If you see on the news that hurricane Erin is blowing through, you’re like ‘Pfft. Erin? I can take that slut’. But if it’s like hurricane Dicksmasher is coming, you pack up and leave.”